Thursday, December 08, 2005

The Wake

The girls and I went to the wake this evening. Heartwrenching doesn't even come close to describing it. There were hundreds of people there. Fortunately, we didn't have to wait in line. We were able to go to the family area. I've never been such a mess over a death before. I guess because everyone I've known that died were either old or sick so it wasn't so unexpected. I got more details about what happened. He was in a head on collision with another car. He was killed instantly. It was an open casket wake and you could tell it was bad. If I didn't know that was him, I would have never recognized him. It didn't look like him at all. His family seemed to be holding up well though. Everyone seemed to be in good spirits. His mom seemed a little out of it though, she did recently break her foot so that didn't really help matters.

We discussed how none of should have been too surprised about him dying so young. When he was little, like 3 or 4 years old, he would tie down the gas pedal on the 4 wheeler to drive it around. Since he couldn't brake he would just jump off or run it into a tree to stop. Then when he was a little older, like 5 or 6 he stole the car keys and wrecked the family car in their yard. I also remember a time when he was probably around 10 or so and they took the bouncing part of the trampoline out and rigged up a barrel with bungee cords on the springs so they could pretend like they were bull riding. I think he broke his arm doing that. New Year's day 2003 he was riding in the back of a pick up truck going 80 miles an hour down the interstate and he fell out. The only thing that saved him then was that he had been drinking and he didn't tense his body when it happened. I saw him a couple months after that happened and you would have never even known it had happened.

Anyway, he'll be truly missed by our family.


Tracy said...

I am really sorry to hear this. I absolutely hate wakes... My great-grandmother passed away this morning so I have to go to one on Monday. I am not looking forward to it either. She was 93 though and I have only ever been to wakes for elderly people myself so I can't imagine how hard this one must have been. How did the girls take it? How did you explain it all to them? I still haven't told the boys about my great-grandmother...they are supposed to go with Dad tomorrow and I just don't have the heart to send them off with that knowledge. They are going to be so sad...

I am so sorry for the loss of your friend.


annmarie said...

I am so sorry to hear about this. Reading the obit. I recognized some of the family names from when we visited, knowing that they were good friends of the family. Hope you are doing okay.

Autumn said...

Eva sort of has an understanding about death. She started asking about it about a year ago. Something on Caillou died, maybe a bird or something. So she was asking me then. I kind of explained it like going to sleep and not waking up anymore. Then her fish died and she would tell people that her fish died and she didn't have it anymore so she had that little bit more understanding. Then my grandmother died last September and she didn't really ask about it then.

At the funeral home she acted appropriately, because I told her that people were going to be very sad because a boy died. She asked a lot of questions about how he died. While we were there though she told my sister to be quiet a few times so she wouldn't wake up the boy. On the way home I talked to her about how he wasn't going to wake up that he was going to heaven (James started taking her to Sunday school so I thought she might have a concept of it). She stopped talking about it then. Then this morning she asked me if he was still dead. I told her that yes, he was and that when you die it's forever. Then she started talking about how she fell out of a tree and died. So, she's not really getting it yet.

Your boys are older though Tracy, I'd think they'd have a better grasp on the situation.

Jenny said...

((Autumn)) Two girls that I graduated from high school with have died over the years since then. I know how hard it can be to lose a friend, especially unexpectedly. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Tracy said...

They do understand about people in heaven. I have shown them pictures of my Nana and SD's Nana and other people who have gone to heaven and we have talked about it all. The only other person they actually knew that went to heaven was my step-father's mother who passed away in May. We had many lengthy discussions about it. Lengthy. Anyway I have been preparing them telling them that Mary is getting ready to go to heaven soon and she will be happy there because she really loves God and she will always watch over them etc. I just know they are going to be very sad about it. I won't take them to the wake though. I don't know how they would handle that because like I said this is the first person they were really close to that died.