Thursday, August 17, 2006

Divorce Part 2

In my last post I was talking about these people I know getting divorced. The first couple are Travis and Sarah. Now, I've known Travis my entire life. We were in diapers together. So, I'd be comfortable in saying that I know him fairly well, obviously not as intimately as his wife, but no one does. Everybody thought Sarah was a little too "churchy" when they got together, but he kind of got his act together and grew up so everything was fine. They've been married for like 8 or 9 years or so. Apparently, out of the blue, Sarah just up and moved out. Travis didn't even know, he was on duty and one of his coworkers came in and said she was moving out and that he better get home. She decided she didn't want to be married anymore. She had a masters degree and he was only a firefighter and he wasn't ever going to be anything else and she needed more. Well apparently in this confrontation Travis put his hands on her and she made this big issue of falling down and hitting her head on something. She had this police officer (who is now her boyfriend, but remember she needed something better than a firefighter) come and take pictures, so now Travis can't get custody of his kids. Now, I know Travis blows up, but he's never hit anyone that I can ever remember, ANYONE much less a girl. Apparently, Travis isn't the only person that she cut out of her life, she also cut her parents and her church out of her life too. So that girl just went off the deep end I think. But to me, I think in a case like that you just need to let her go for awhile and she's probably going to come back in a few months begging for him to take her back.

Then there's Donna and Jason. Another one just totally out of the blue! Unfortunately in this case, not only is there a child involved, but step children too. My mom saw Donna at the store and that's how she found out and told me and I saw Jason at the daycare (our kids go to the same one) and I mentioned it to him and he was just like "Well, what can you do?" I was just dumbfounded, what do you say to that?

One is a neighbor of ours. Actually this one has turned out to be to my benefit. The guy had a son from a previous woman that I couldn't stand. Destin. He was always wanting to come play with Eva, but I couldn't stand the kid. And he was one of those kids you feel bad for because he'd say things like "My parents said I couldn't come home until supper time". So you'd get stuck with him. He was like 6 and he couldn't understand why I wouldn't let Eva who was 3 at the time go ride bikes out in the street by herself. So, anyway, the dad and stepmom are divorcing so he's gone off with his dad wherever. My mom said that the woman was just so casual about the whole thing when she told her. I think if I were gettting divorced for reasons other than like abuse or infidelity I'd be mortified!

And speaking of infidelity, of course I think that's a legitimate reason for getting divorced, but I don't think it's the end of the world either. I know a couple where the police officer husband cheated with an 18 year old high school student that was one of his DARE students. But they got through it, and I know other couples that made it through that. When we found out about the DARE student thing James and I had a discussion about infidelity and I told him that if he cheated on me I could probably get over it. Although, I did make the stipulations that he better tell me about it and I don't want to find out from somebody that saw them out together in public and decided to let me know and that it would have to be a lust thing and not someone he was really in love with.

Arrrr...ok, I gotta run. My computer is still not fixed and someone else needs this one!!


Kristen said...

My take on divorce - I DEFINITELY think people take it way to lightly nowadays and that is a shame. I mean, look at Hollywood and all the crap that goes on there. I would like to think that America is smart enough to NOT take cues from celebrities, but I think what goes on there exemplifies the problem. I told my hubby that he's stuck with me until I die (maybe thats why he's been so adamant about making sure I keep my life insurance policy current? Hmm.)
Anyway, that sucks about Travis. She wants better than a firefighter? Whats wrong with a firefighter? I want Jon to be one. I think their sexy. Is this the same girl that he was dating in high school? The one that he had the t-shrit and she had the matching t-shirt? Remember that?

Elfinlady said...

The summer DH and I got married, three other couples we know got married in the same backyard where we did. That was the summer of 2000, and now DH and I are the only couple still together. No signs of us splitting up yet, although that summer and that backyard seem to have been cursed, LOL.

Honestly, I think that people do get divorced to easily, but they get married much to easily as well.

Tracy said...

Alright so I am pretty much the only un-married one in the group but I have been almost married twice so I guess I can still
I think it is a vicious cycle. People take marriage too lightly and then get divorced. People take divorce too lightly therefore don't hesitate to run off and get married.
When SD and I were engaged I put off getting married for as long as possible because when it came down to it... I JUST didn't want to marry him. I thought I would be stuck with him forever but I just didn't want to be married or "belong" to him.
With HTB, I can honestly say that after almost 6 years we have been through a lot of stuff that might have broken other couples up but we have worked through it because it and WE are worth it to eachother. I would never have accepted his proposal if I wasn't 100% sure and committed either.

For me the only deal breaker is abuse. Physical or mental. I mean serious mental abuse here too, not just the regular Infidelity can be worked out if you are really committed to eachother and married for the right reasons in the first place.

Gill said...

DH and I have both been married before and divorced before we met (mine was an abusive relationship, DH's ex ran off with another guy) and so I know the fall-out from divorce, it's not something to enter into lightly. I think a lot of people are too casual about marriage generally, which leads to a casual attitude to divorce. People just don't seem to regard it as a 'forever' commitment any more.

Sarah said...

My SIL kind of did the same thing. After 15 years and 4 kids it seemed like one day she decided she didn't want to be married anymore. She cited my ex-BIL drinking problem, which he did have, in the first 3 years of the marriage and when she asked him to stop, he did, and hasn't had a drink since, and she had 3 kids since that time. She said she couldn't get "past it" and felt stifled by marriage, felt that she never got a chance to be young or single(admittedly she did marry at 21).

After that she went a little "nuts" I say. She asked for the divorce but lived in the house for nearly a year and only moved out days before the divorce was final. She gave custody of the kids to her husband, and basically lived like a teenager for a couple of years while she only worked a couple of part time jobs, paid zero child support, filed bankruptcy, and almost immediately started dating someone else, who's she's been with since(4 years), and recently married. I just didn't get it, the new guy is even more immature than her husband and drinks like a fish.

The big thing has been the kids, they are completely lost in the shuffle and I think she totally didn't think of them once in the whole process, one of them was just 4 years old and he often cried why his mom didn't love him anymore.

When it's just two adults, and some stuff, do what you want, but when you have kids, you need to think a lot harder. I know you can't stay together for the kids only, but they need to be a much bigger thought in the whole process.

Just my .02